


that good night

by crapeaucrapeau



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Old Age, Post-Canon, Warning : discussion of death and mortality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:33:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24005164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crapeaucrapeau/pseuds/crapeaucrapeau
Summary: It's the future and Shepard and Garrus go out for a walk.
Relationships: Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian
Comments: 6
Kudos: 30





	that good night

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer : English is not my first language.

They left their home, walking into the countryside. It was dark ; but they walked by the light of the stars.

They didn't need to speak, not after all these years. They walked slowly. They were not in a hurry and besides, their running days were over. Long gone.

They held hands.

"Garrus," Shepard said at last, "are we lost ?"

Garrus harrumphed. "No, honey. I know where we are - if we turn left we'll get to the little river. With the gas bags, you know ? We're fine."

"No, Garrus," she said. He didn't need to see her face to know she was smiling. "I think we're lost. This… This is an adventure."

"Walking in the woods, at night, just the two of us ?"

"I don't even have my shields on. I had them on in the sushi restaurant, when the clone… You remember ?"

"Of course I remember."

"I don't have my shields on," Shepard said again. "I'm living dangerously."

"Right."

"An _adventure_ , Garrus. You, me, and the arthritis."

Garrus barked with laughter. She didn't laugh, but he knew she was grinning.

They walked on. Shepard drew Garrus closer. He had a cane, but she was still afraid he might trip and fall. After all her resurrections he had become older than her, biologically speaking, though not by much : they both creaked with every step. It felt like that, at least.

"Sweetie," he said, "you're holding me so tight, I can't feel my arm."

"Sorry."

The night was pleasantly warm, and every time the tips of their canes broke a twig, or when some animal scuttled off in the undergrowth, the quiet happiness Shepard and Garrus felt grew, each of them wondering if the other was just as elated as they were yet each one trusting that they did, in fact, feel the exact same way. They'd known each other for a long time.

"I talked to Junior this morning," Shepard told Garrus, "while you were in town."

"Oh ?" Garrus said. "How are they ? How are the kids ?"

"Fine, fine," Shepard said, "Sam's got a tooth coming. I'm telling you this-"

"You're telling me about the tooth ?"

"I didn't want to talk about the tooth, you asked me about the tooth."

"I did not ; I asked you how everyone was."

" _Anyway_ ," Shepard said. "Junior's told me that it was New Year on Earth."

"Really ?" said Garrus. "What day is it right now ? In your calendar ?"

"Right now ?" Shepard leaned forward. "It's the evening of January 1st. Where it's not January 2 already."

"Okay then." He stopped walking and embraced her, to her surprise. "Happy New Year, Shepard," he whispered against her ear, with that voice that still made her feel tingly, and he kissed her on the cheek.

Shepard giggled like a child. "You didn't ask me what year it is."

"Alright. Can you tell me the exact date of today in your species' calendar ?"

"It's January 1st," Shepard said, and the stars were gleaming in her eyes. "January 1, 2300 CE."

It was only when the silence had gone on for nearly thirty seconds that Garrus realized she was expecting him to react. "And…?"

"Ugh." He didn't need to see her to know she was rolling her eyes. "It's the new century, Garrus. We're in the 24th century. We're in the future."

"Well, technically," Garrus said, "if we're in it, that's the present."

"That's not the _point_." She pouted, even though Garrus could not see it. "It's a milestone. It's significant. Come on, Vakarian, it's been over one hundred years since the end of the War."

"Wait," said Garrus, "you're trying to tell me that big party we had, to celebrate a hundred of your years since the War ended…"

"Yes ?"

" _That_ was… When ?"

"Thirteen years ago, plus bits. My years."

"That was…" Garrus tripped over his words. "That can't be. That was like… _yesterday_ !"

"'fraid not."

"This is ridiculous," Garrus grumbled. "The Reaper War ended eight years ago. At most. It _feels_ that way. It hasn't been, what ?"

"One hundred and thirteen years."

" _One hundred and thirteen years !_ " Garrus exclaimed, and then coughed. Shepard congenially tapped him on the back.

"Time flies," she told him. "It's not just you, though." She looked at his hunched form and sighed. "I still feel like I'm a thirty-something." She shook her head. "A child. That's what I think I am. It's just that my body thinks otherwise."

"I don't like aging, Shepard," Garrus said, wheezing. "You're in pain all the time and you can't shoot the bastard who's responsible."

"It's not much fun," she admitted. "Could be worse, though."

"Oh, of course."

"We could be dead. Or indoctrinated." She shuddered at the thought.

Garrus nodded. "True, all true." He paused. "Doesn't make old age less of a pain, though, does it ?"

Shepard chuckled. "You're not wrong."

They talked about their children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, they talked about their friends ; they talked about events past and present, they talked of wars without end. Garrus had switched his visor to night vision because he didn't want her to trip on something. With one eye, he could see the wood like in broad daylight while with the other he could only see the vague shapes of the night. It was starting to give him a headache.

Why was it, he wondered, that trees had evolved on so many worlds ?

"Wait," he called.

Shepard looked at him, frowning. "What is it ?"

"There's a group of gas bags ahead, crossing the path. We should stay put, not startle them."

So they stopped walking. Shepard squinted to try and see the gas bags but she couldn't make out anything in this darkness. Garrus had closed his right eye and was hoping the headache would go away.

"What's it like," he asked her, "death ? I'm asking you, since… you know… You've been there already."

She raised her eyebrows. "So I'm some kind of expert ?"

"You're the only one I got."

"You've never asked me how it felt."

"Never wanted to bring up that trauma. But now, it's been a hundred years - and I'm curious."

Shepard tried again to see or hear the gas bags. "It's nothing," she said. "It feels like nothing. It doesn't hurt. It's not pleasant either. It's… nothing. Like a sleep you don't wake up from. Without dreams."

"Nothing to be afraid of, then."

Shepard chuckled and turned to look at him, or at least what she could discern in the dark. "I mean, you're never _dead_. You're just _not_. Not anything. You're not anywhere. It's just… You're not doing anything ever again. Anything. Honestly ? The dying part is far worse."

"We've been dying for a long time," said Garrus, "and I for one found it - _find_ it - wonderful to do it with you."

"You and that silver tongue of yours…"

"Oh, I know you love that tongue…"

She snorted with laughter and Garrus joined her. Then with her hands she searched his face ; and when she had found it, she kissed him.

"I think we've scared the gas bags," Garrus told her when they were done.

"Oh no !" Shepard made a mock-gasp. "'Old people found making out in the woods of Eden Prime ! Local gas bags left traumatized by the sight !'"

"I don't think gas bags can see much of anything."

"Aw c'mon, you're the one who said we _scared_ them."

They gently bickered for a few more minutes and then resumed their walk. They'd done this before ; the trail would naturally bring them back to the house. Feeling reassured, Garrus turned off his visor and let the darkness engulf him. He had nothing to fear ; not with her at his side.

"You know what's the worst part about being nowhere ?" she said.

"I can think of a few things."

"The worst part," she said, "is that we can't be nowhere together. You won't be with me."

_There's no Shepard without Vakarian_ , he thought. And the opposite was true.

Shepard shook her head, trying to dispel the dark thoughts. "For all we know there is a heaven waiting for us when we're done."

Garrus sighed. "Oh, I don't know about that."

"What about that bar ?" Shepard asked him, slightly shocked.

"What bar ?"

" _The_ bar."

"Ah," he said, "that bar."

"Yes."

"Oh, I'll be waiting at the bar alright. It's just, you know me, I like to prepare for worst-case scenarios."

She patted him on the shoulder. "Can't blame you for that."

"What should we do, then ?" Garrus asked her. "In the event of the worst-case scenario. How do we live with death if death is nothing ?"

"Ask me when I'm not sober," Shepard told him, and frankly he couldn't fault her reasoning.

They couldn't be far from the house now, but they still wanted to be outside, and so they sat down on the ground. It was slightly wet, Shepard thought, and the cold was seeping into her pants ; but it was such a beautiful night…

"What's that noise ?" she said.

"I didn't hear anything," he said, but in truth his hearing was going out a little.

"It's like… singing ?"

"Singing ?" Garrus said. "In the woods ? At night ?"

"I don't think it's human," Shepard told him. "Or even done by anyone. It sounds… animal."

"What kind of animal ?"

"I don't know," she said. "Let's find out !"

Standing up had gotten far more difficult than it had any right to be ; but they managed. They walked off the beaten track. Shepard was guiding Garrus by the hand as she walked toward the sound only she could hear ; tall para-ferns brushed against her legs. "Shepard," he said, "be careful !"

She was being careful. She wasn't running - she didn't even trot. With every step she carefully sensed the soil with the tip of her raised foot, to check whether it was solid or if there was a murderous root. Then she shifted her weight, only once she was sure all was well. She wanted Garrus to hear the song…

And suddenly, there was light.

The fronds of the ferns glowed with a soft green radiance, illuminated from within. At first, only the plants around Shepard and Garrus were shining, but soon the glow spread, until a whole field of ferns beamed bright with a cold light.

"Oh, wow," Shepard said. She turned toward Garrus to ask him something and was surprised to see him clearly, so strong was the light of the ferns. There was something wonderful in the way he looked at her, like she was a vision. There was awe in these blue eyes. And love.

"You're beautiful," he said.

"I know," she told him.

He chuckled. "Why do you think they do that for ?"

"The ferns ?" She shrugged. "I don't know. Right now, I don't care."

They kissed for a long time, in a way that would have made their gaggle of descendants thoroughly uncomfortable. Garrus' talons brushed Shepard's sparse white hair while with his other hand he held her close to him. She kissed his throat, whose skin had gotten loose with age in ways that reminded her of a chicken's wattles. They caressed each other everywhere, though it was not sexual, not really ; they touched each other's forearms, each other's back and neck, out of the sheer delight the other gave them just by existing. Theirs was the touch that meant home.

Then the light faded completely, and the night fell once more on them. They let go of each other. 

"I think the light's scared the critters," whispered Shepard's shrunken form next to Garrus. "I can't hear them anymore."

"Shame."

"Garrus," she told him. She could not keep a slight edge of worry out of her voice.

He heard it. "What is it ?"

"Where are we ?"

"What do you mean ?"

"I think we're lost. We've left the path." She burst out laughing. "I think we're _lost_ !"

Garrus didn't answer right away. And then his orange omni-tool lit up. "GPS says that we're a hundred yards from home."

" _Garrus_ ," she whined.

"Oh," he said. "The adventure. Right. No, Commander," he told her in a very official manner, "I have no idea where we are."

"Don't bother," she said. "I can't pretend when we know where we are."

"We are stranded," Garrus insisted. "On an uncharted, alien world. Danger lurks on every corner. The odds-"

"Wait."

They listened to the silence ; except that what they heard was the sing-song babble Shepard had been looking for.

"Can you hear it ?" she whispered.

"Yes, dear. I can hear it."

She listened to the song. "They're like frogs."

"'Frogs' ?"

"Earth animals. Not unlike salarians. When everything's right they gather to mate… and they sing. That's what I'm hearing."

But it was unlike a frog chorus too, Shepard realized. The unseen animals chirruped and seemed to _rustle_ with their voices as well, and the song mingled with the sound of a brook not too far away. Somehow, hearing it, with Garrus holding her hand, on this warm, pleasant night with the stars far above shining through the trees, gave her a sense of serenity. It was worth it, she thought. It's all worth it. 

Someone had told her once - was it Zaeed ? - that "life's a bitch and then you die", and it was true, to some extent : you lost, you had regrets, you hurt. Always. But in that mess of pain and death, there was beauty, and love, and joy, there always were people ready to care even if that meant they would get hurt. There were things worth dying for, and that meant there were things worth living for.

"You asked me," she said out loud, "how do you live in the shadow of death ?"

Garrus nodded.

"I think you can only be brave. You can't pretend it's not there, that it's not everywhere you look, waiting for you, for me, for everyone. You have to respect it. You have to fear it. But…"

"Yes ?"

"I think…" She hesitated. "I think you have to be afraid, but you can't let that fear control you. You can't let death, the fear of death I mean, weigh on everything you do. You won't get to live otherwise. Not really. You have to be afraid, yes, but still - you walk onto the battlefield. That's what bravery is."

"It's a fine line to walk, Commander."

"I know, right ?" _It's easy with you and everyone by my side_ , she thought. She didn't tell him. He knew.

"It's a very 'you' answer too. 'Better extinction than submission'. That's what you told Saren, basically."

"Huh," she said. "Never thought of it that way."

"I've been thinking about that lately."

"Have you now ?"

"You _are_ a source of inspiration, Shepard."

"Damn right."

He chuckled, and they listened to the non-frogs. Shepard's thumb gently stroked his knuckles.

Peace had never been so sweet.

"Should we go home ?" Garrus asked her. "It's getting colder."

"Yeah."

They walked into the dark.

**Author's Note:**

> This small fanfic is dedicated to [omegastation](https://omegastation.tumblr.com), who encouraged me to write something around this core idea I had, and who was kind enough to correct a few confusing turns of phrase. Thank you.


End file.
